Life and adventures in The Hedge. Because you NEED an alligator in the backyard

I understand now why cats were the pets of royalty in ancient Egypt. Normal people who want to accomplish anything should not have cats.

I’m attempting to write this post as my cat attempts to eat my right thumb. The past few days have led me to believe cats are out to destroy the world.

They really are quiet subtle at first.  Calico Cat is the perfect example.  Several time during the night things will go crash jolting me from a sound sleep. A pill bottle knocked off the bathroom counter at 3a.m. is as effective as a minor explosion.  End result – you’re bolt upright in the bed.  6a.m. alarm sounds. Sleep deprived Hedgemama hits the snooze. Finally I give in turn on the morning news & wait for the weather.  Since this is Florida the evening news man has often been delusional and the weather is significantly different from expected particularly in the spring.  This is the signal for the evil plot of Calico Cat to move into the next phase. The purr.  As the human struggles to awaken, the cat comes along to snuggle up.  The purr of a cat is very soothing The purr must be battled with secondary alarms.  The goal of the warm snuggly purr is to send the human back to sleep.  Causing chaos in the human world is the ultimate goal of the feline race.  If the plan of Calico Cat worked – I would be late every morning.

Working in tandem with Calico Cat is the Big Boy cat. Big Boy has his own fixed schedule, used to drive the human to the brink of insanity. Big Boy screams to be let out during the last few precious moments of sleep. Big Boy cannot be ignored. He will meow loudly, if that does not work he will jump on and off the bed. Weighing in at around 20 pounds…it is a large thump when he pounces.

Big Boy follows a schedule: In: 6:30 a.m. Out 6:32, In 7:20 out 7:22, In 8:30 out 8:32  – you get the idea. He’s impossible to ignore.  So my work gets regularly disrupted each morning.

A few times a day there is an attack on my keyboard. The whole working from home – connected to my keyboard for hours on end annoys the cat balance of power. Big Boy feels he must replace the keyboard – standing upon it at every chance. He successfully locked me out of my work program this week.  I am sure he was secretly chuckling about his success in completely shutting down work for over an hour. He pushes the keyboard out of they way. Today he staged an attack on the open container of humus on my desk. I was able to foil the grasping paw. While Big Boy comes on and blatantly attacks the keyboard, Calico Cat is more subtle. Calico Cat instead heads for the lap, making reaching the keyboard difficult.  Writing about the secret mission of the cats to destroy the workplace got my hand bitten this morning.  The cats are rather distressed that I am making public their current plot.  They are out to cause a complete work stoppage.

The problem is however, if I can’t work who is going to pay for the cat food?


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